Clarity and Love

Prior to coming to Ghana, I was propelled forward by certain mental images and physical emotions, both carrying great weight. One was the overwhelming urge to break from the society I was a part of and seek refuge within myself and within the isolation of strangers, wanting to be unrecognizable. Another, often held in great detail in my mind, was the image strongly connected to my spirit, of being free to move about within a natural environment, allowing the movement of my body and my breath not to be confined by any lifestyle, but to just be, surrounded mostly by the natural environment. And yet another, an image connected to and driven forth by my ego, was the image of myself as a humanitarian, bringing help to those less fortunate and therefore, in need.
I sit here tonight, forced out of bed by an overwhelming desire to relinquish this realization from my thoughts. I have seen all of which I just described become reality and through this experience, I know the truth. My ego is deflated once again. I am no wiser, no greater, no more prepared than the people I have intended to help. It is hugely unfair to degrade them by assuming they need my help. My position here is simple; I am to exist among them. I realize that to bring an attitude of teacher-student, undermines the greatness that exists in each human being. In my attempts to help people, I have often missed the greatest lesson, they were never really in need of anything from me because they already possessed the answers, just as I have always possessed the answers I needed.
I see my life so differently at this moment. I am at total peace with my position here. I am simply just meant to exist here for an allotted time. Those whom encounter will teach me with out pretense; I wish to do the same. I am detached from the outcome. I am just content to exist here and be in the moment, present of each gust of wind, each explosion of laughter, each barking dog, and even, the buzz of the mosquito in my ear, searching for a place to land.



As clearly as I can remember, I have always been preoccupied with love. Being the most honest I can be, not a day has ended, since my early teens, where I have not wondered about the man I was, hopefully, destined to meet.
I have been fortunate to love deeply in the 27 years I’ve lived. I have no regrets and possess fond and passionate memories of each relationship I’ve taken part in. I’ve also been fortunate enough to know great heartache, something I believe to be a necessity at least once in life, and I have also been the cause of great heartache. Both experiences have taught me compassion.
When I came to Ghana, I craved solitude. My entire being yearned for companionship with myself. I wanted to get lost. I wanted to be alone, and so it was.
Once I was removed from everything familiar, the world became bigger and smaller. My priorities simplified. Clarity arrived and has many times over.
I found myself in love with a man that had been a great friend to me. Almost like another part of me that I didn’t know was separate, but then there it was, sitting across from me at the laundry mat, telling a story that I felt as though I’d lived, only I hadn’t. I sat with these feelings not sure if I would ever mention them, feeling I had nothing to offer him from so far away. But, as life would have it, the opportunity appeared and I opened the door.
He was on the other side, already loving me as well. The beautiful friendship that we already shared so comfortably, had become a deeper love of the purest nature.
On December 22, the winter solstice, he called me, here, and asked me to marry him. It was the easiest question I’ve had to answer. I already knew and hoped that I would one day share my life with him, I just didn’t realize that he knew it as well. I’ve not ever respected a man as much as I do him. He encompasses a spirit full of love and integrity and I am a lucky woman. He respects me as much as I longed to be respected, deep within my soul. He is devoted to his own journey and his own growth, just as I am to my own. We are both deeply respectful of each other and the path that has now joined between us, moving parallel through life, an arm’s length apart.
I have been blessed with a wonderful family and now he has joined that family. He’s also been blessed with a wonderful family that has drawn me in with warmth and love. This union is just another account of the beauty within us.
I couldn’t think of a better time to share this story.
I love you Chad, Happy Valentine’s Day.